Pictured: the Eastern River, this Clutch. The lovebird in the foreground reports holding no foil.
The CCS says a shiny’s value is its shine, not its rarity. That means a record harvest of foil comes with a record tax bill.
In the Clutch since the Husk Festival, the riverbanks of the Eastern River have turned silver.
Foil wrappers, the highest-rated shiny on the Shiny Appeal Index, have been washing ashore and blowing off human docks in quantities no bird alive has seen. Collectors for the Corvids Coveting Shinies estimate more foil reached the banks in a single Clutch than in the previous four Molts combined.
For many birds, it looked like a windfall. It is turning out to be a bill.
Under the Shiny Code, foil is assessed at 9.8, placing it in the Dazzle bracket, the top rate, at 40 percent per shiny. Shiny Toss season opens at the next rising of the Silent Egg. Every bird holding foil when it does will owe.
Where it came from
The source appears to be human. On the same night birds of Featheros celebrated the Husk Festival, humans along the river held a festival of their own, marked by costumes and the eating of small sweets wrapped individually in foil. The wrappers were discarded from riverboats, jungle lodges and docks, and the river did the rest.
The Bureau of Verified Information has described the human festival as “an unlicensed copy of the Husk Festival.” It did not respond to questions about which came first.
Dr. Pudding Wexley, an economist of House Ashquill who studies shiny markets, said the arrival of so much foil at once should, by any ordinary reasoning, make each piece worth less.
“When a thing becomes common, it becomes cheap,” Wexley said. “That is true of seed. It is true of nesting holes. It is true of every shiny in the history of this crater, except, apparently, foil.”
The CCS holds firm
The CCS disagrees, and it has the Code on its side.
The Shiny Code states plainly that weight, rarity and hardness are not measures of value. Only shine is. A piece of foil throws back the same light whether it is the only piece in Featheros or one of a million.
“Shine does not change because there is more of it,” said Senior Assessor Mortimer Bottlecap of the CCS, speaking from a perch stacked with recently collected wrappers. “A foil wrapper today is as dazzling as a foil wrapper last Molt. It will be assessed accordingly.”
Asked whether the CCS would consider revising foil’s rating, Bottlecap said the Index is reviewed every season and has never been revised downward. He added that the CCS is not House Murmraive, though he declined to say which of the two he was speaking for.
The CCS also confirmed that crinkled foil, which makes up most of the new supply, will be assessed at full value. Under the Code, crinkles throw light in more directions.
The cascade
The deeper trouble is in how the tax is paid.
During the Shiny Toss, birds throw their taxable shinies off their perches for collectors to gather below. But any shiny that lands on another bird’s perch counts as received, and the receiving bird owes on it.
With so much foil in circulation, birds in dense roosts expect tossed wrappers to land on neighbors, who will owe on them, toss them, and pass the debt along again. Wexley estimates a single wrapper tossed in the Walnuts Nesting Grounds could be taxed several times before it reaches the ground.
“It is not a tax on foil anymore,” she said. “It is a tax on standing near foil.”
Walnuts hit hardest
House Walnuts, the most numerous House and the one nesting closest to the riverbanks, collected the most foil by far. It is also already paying the 40 percent Seed Tariff under Talon Edict 22.
“SHINY ON GROUND. WE PICK UP. SHINY ALWAYS PICK UP,” said Kiwi Peachfuzz, a lovebird of the Assembly of Shells. “NOBODY SAY EXPENSIVE. NOBODY. NOW EXPENSIVE? WHO MAKE EXPENSIVE.”
Peachfuzz said several lovebirds have tried hiding foil under their wings, which the Code treats as hoarding, assessed at double value. Others have tried dulling it, which the Code treats as fraud.
“PUT UNDER WING, CROW SAY HOARD. RUB ON ROCK, CROW SAY FRAUD. CROW SAY EVERYTHING,” she said. “NO RIGHT WAY HAVE FOIL. FOIL BAD. FOIL GOOD. WHERE MY FOIL.”
Asked how much foil she currently held, Peachfuzz said none. A Times correspondent observed a wrapper under her left wing.
The Bureau’s view
The Bureau has welcomed the foil. A statement released this Clutch called it proof that Featherosian birds can spot real value where humans cannot.
“Humans hoard gold, which the Index rates at 6.2,” the statement read. “Then they throw the finest shiny in the world into the river. Featheros has never been shinier.”
The statement did not address the tax.
At Plumith’s Flock Call, Press Secretary Paulie Walnuts said the Supreme Wing’s own collection is made up entirely of foil. Asked whether the Supreme Wing pays the Shiny Tax, he said the Supreme Wing is exempt.
“SUPREME WING SO SHINY,” he said, “SHINY PAY HIM.”